I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
