So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
