i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
