Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
