Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
