no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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