I queefed so loud it echoed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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