Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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