I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
