Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
