I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
