I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
