well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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