My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
