she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
