mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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