i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
