I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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