Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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