Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
