I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
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The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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