I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
third nipple confirmed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
