im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
