My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize