what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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