I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
