my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
