tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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