We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Boobs speak an international language.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
