32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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