i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
