Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
