Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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