I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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