Three words: puerto rican gang bang
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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