i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
