I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
