youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
