I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
