dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
