I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
