yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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