Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
