I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
