Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
All I want is dick and wine.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
