Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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