you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
