how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
