Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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