I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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