my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
