If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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