We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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