whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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