she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
