And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
