The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
