And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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