that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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