A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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